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Daniel Gaudet A dynamic conference held Oct. 29 at Holland College's Charlottetown Centre highlighted the importance family has in the lives of people with disabilities. Organized by second-year Human Services students, the day-long event, titled Today's Family, Connecting with the Community, was designed to give the public insight into the struggles and triumphs of both individuals with handicaps and their families. The conference's down-to-earth mood was heightened by several singalongs and the decorative fall harvest theme. Keynote speaker Rev. Elaine Smith set the day's cadence by de-bunking the myth of the perfect family -- as she described it, a father, mother, two children and a dog that smells good even if it rains. "We're all who we really are, and that's what a real family is about," Smith said. "The most important thing is everybody in the family has somebody who says, 'I love you.' That is what makes a family," she said. During the morning session, a panel of three families sat before the audience and told their stories, before opening the floor to questions from the crowd congregated in the college gym. The Reeves family began with an emotional presentation about raising their son Brian, who has a disability his parents resist labelling. As Brian's mother Karen explained, his family has always concentrated on the positive aspects of their situation. "We've never really had a downside," Reeves said. "We've been lucky to have Brian." "He's a very loving, caring child -- our kids have always accepted him. There's never been any hard feelings," she said. Blair and Theresa Aitken have six children, all boys, aged four to 15. Their son Sam, now six years old, was diagnosed with autism at the age of three. "Some children with autism are very difficult to get along with," Theresa Aitken said. "There was a lot of mental adaptation. The first accommodation was acceptance, to accept there is someone in the family who's not the same," Aitken said. Aitken explained that parents of a disabled child often take on several unexpected roles above and beyond those of the typical parent -- a combination of a developmental therapist, lobbyist, diplomat and educator. "Children with disabilities do not advocate for themselves," Aitken said. Every hour of the day, she added, is spent wondering, "Could I be doing this, or should I be doing that for my child?" One of the biggest adaptations, Aitken said, was also a blessing in disguise. She explained that parents, especially those with more than one child, tend to lose the sense of awe and pride felt when a son or daughter conquers a major step on the road of life -- the first time crawling, the first tentative steps, the first complete sentence. When the individual is not promised any progress, no achievement is taken for granted, Aitken said, making her family that much prouder of Sam's progress. "We never 'get used to' any development our son makes," she said. The third presentation was made by Bernie and Clovis Doucette. Their second son Glen was born 2 1/2 months premature, and diagnosed with severe brain damage and cerebral palsy in 1973. The Doucettes were told their son would require institutionalization 200 miles from their home in Northern Ontario. Glen's father, Clovis, said he will never forget the morning he dropped off his son. "So," he said, voice shaking, "we left him there." But only a few days later was Glen's birthday, so the parents jumped in the car and made the gruelling trip again. The Doucettes continued to make the eight-hour round trip every month for the next six years. When the Doucettes transferred to New Brunswick, they heard about Sherwood Home, a local residential home-care facility in Charlottetown. They decided to move again, to P.E.I., so Glen could get the care they felt was appropriate. Glen currently resides at that facility, minutes away from his parents. "We're there almost every night to see him," Doucette said. "He's doing good, we love him and we'll always be close to him." A stirring discussion period followed, as the panel answered personal questions from the audience. Topics included services for the disabled, day-to-day living, support available to families and their hopes and dreams for the future. Then during the afternoon a new panel took centre-stage, consisting of three individuals with disabilities prepared to share their struggles in maintaining a family life as an adult. James Larter spoke of how important his family's support was at a track and field competition earlier this year in Sudbury, Ont. Larter earned both second and third placings in the event. He works at a golf course and lives with his family in Georgetown. David Gallant's home-life was an example of a so-called atypical family. All his blood relatives have passed away, including his wife. Nowadays Gallant lives on his own, but his landlady cleans his apartment, shares her meals with him and is one of his closest friends. Gallant cuts grass to make ends meet, and visits friends for coffee everyday. He admits he sometimes gets lonely and wishes there were more services available to him, especially to help him find employment. Yet he lives his life with pride, as an independent individual. The third member of the panel, Carolyn Fanning, is part of the focus of a video documentary filmed earlier this year, titled In Our Own Words. The video, shown during the panel discussion, features three individuals who live self-reliant, unrestrained lives despite their disabilities. Fanning spent part of her earlier life in a care facility where her personal liberties were severely curtailed. She was constantly supervised. "I don't like to be treated like a baby. I like to be treated with respect," Fanning said. These days she lives in a two-bedroom townhouse with her sister. Her calendar is full of leisure activities, church and reading classes. Fanning has already read four books only two years after beginning to read. To make ends meet, and because she said it's her favourite thing to do, she babysits a few nights every week. "When I babysit, I don't need anyone to watch me," she said. Fanning said although she is independent and can do things on her own, her family is extremely important. "They keep me company, they mean the world to me. If they weren't there, I wouldn't know what to do." "They make me feel important," Fanning said. Following Fanning's presentation was a panel discussion with representatives from various Island organizations which offer support to people with disabilities. The panel discussed how the support available has changed drastically over the years, and what the upcoming trends may be. "Most schools are changing," said Kathy Pilkington, an educator who specializes in teaching disabled students. "I think in the next five years all high schools and junior high schools will be including people with disabilities in the classroom," Pilkington said. After the event, organizer and emcee Jennifer Reeves declared the day a huge success. "It's a great feeling inside to know everyone enjoyed themselves," Reeves said. "Without them, this conference wouldn't be possible."
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